One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
