every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
