There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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