i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
