There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
