My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
