Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
