3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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