She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
