No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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