come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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