Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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