Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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