Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize