i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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