We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
