I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
