everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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