Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
