I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
