I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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