somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
