I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
