I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
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You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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