I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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