Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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