No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
