I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
