That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
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I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize