i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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