I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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