We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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