You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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