and you said cock pushups were impossible
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
