It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
