He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
