with your own penis?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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