You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
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My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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