you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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