So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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