Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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