oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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