I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
