i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
