Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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