how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
