it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
