My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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