i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
