He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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