I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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