His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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