How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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