Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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