I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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