I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
