I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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