worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
