Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
