I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
