Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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