my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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