It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
