How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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