you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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