fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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