dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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