I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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