who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
